Week 4: Bloody ‘ell, A Trip Across the Pond

Wassup its legendary fantasy football pragnosticator, no crystal ball just a crystal brain, the one & only Ebrostradamus here to chop up & serve some tasty fantasy service to you FFF 3.0 fuck boys. It was an unusually busy week, we had our first major blockbuster of the year, and the first time I  can remember a first round draft pick getting traded in this league. Also James if you are gonna rank trades on a scale, please use the only rankings authorized by me and most governing bodies, the Kranzies. I’d personally tip the scales in favor of Sully, based off of Fred Jackson> Pierre Thomas. There was also big news among Vikings QB’s, and no Im not talking about Matt Cassel..I’m talking aboout the return of Dang Ol’ Brett Favre!!!!! Appearntly he is as big as a blacksmith, and coaching an undefeated high school football team. SOLD AT COACHING AN UNDEFEATED HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL TEAM. Jon Bois wrote a great article on Favre Watch 2014 so click it here:  & enjoy dang ol’ just having fun out there.

Oh yeah, and ro ro, u my nigga.

MVP OF THE WEEK: The Return of Ravens D!! Bust out your Ed Reed & Ray Lewis jersey this weekend cuz they just won the MVP of the Week award by scoring 22 points and giving Ro Ro a slim 3 point victory. Oh, you dont have a Ed Reed or Ray Lewis jersey? That’s lame.

LVP OF THE WEEK: My whole team: 56 points on “the field” lol, 74 on the bench. You got lucky Tay!!! You got lucky!!!

BOSTON STRONG AWARD: Mmmmaybe I shouldn’t have titled my last post We Will Literally Shit Down The Browns Throats This Sunday. Derp.

BRANDON BURNS MEMORIAL THATS INTERESTING AWARD: I’m this close to renaming this the Darren McFadden is a Giant Douche Bag Award after he rushed for a staggering 9 yards on just 12 carries. Then he scored and threw a touchdown pass, for the most bizarre ten point weeks youll ever see.

LAST WEEK: 3-3

SEASON TOTAL: 8-10

SEADDERALL SEAHAWKS V TEAM EL DIRTAY

No way of getting around it Sully, last time I pushed you in the dirt, skinned your kneecaps and took your Hi-C Ecto Cooler for my first and only win of the season. This time around? Its all about the health of our Wrs. On my side Vincent Jackson has a busted rib & TY Hilton is in a walking boot, and for you Andre Johnson is a game time decision. What could swing it in my favor, the way the pornstar’s swing their big fake titties in his face? The return of GRONK. If he plays, i think I walk away with another win over Team El Dirtay. Congrats on the Go Pro! Film the salty tears of your defeat please!

EAT MY CECIL SHORTS V SHOW ME YOUR TDS

Wow, Alex Smith gets no respect in fantasy either. One week after benching Russell Wilson against the Jags like a schmuck, Brooke has cut the Chiefs QB.  And whats going on with CJ Spiller? 10 carries for 9 yards?? Atleast McFadden is making plays with his arm, my god. Huge bust so far, even more so than David Wilson. Brandon Boldon might be a sneaky good play. Taylor’s team hit it’s stride against me last week, and I think that will continue this week against Brooke. For all this hate on RGIII, and they are 0-3, but he has put together 3 solid fantasy weeks!

MONEY BADGER V COOPER CLUX CLAN

Ohhhhh shiiiiiiii dis gon b guuuuuud!! Both teams are stacked top to bottom like Shyla Stylez, and both have great matchups all around. I got beef with the trade on Thumper’s side as now he is all in on the Motor City Kitties this year, now having Megatron, Stafford, & Reggie Bush. 3-0 so far, but how long will it last? Well not long, not long at all actually cuz James has legendary LHS linebacker Matthew Buttweeman on the phone long distance and he’s saying put Brady on the phone so I can give him a great big NA NA!!! Im taking James.

HEADLESS HORSEMAN V PIMPING AINT BREESY

Omg marissa what has happened to your team? Playing the waiver wire like Mr. Hawes did all those years ago, leaving your team unrecognizable from draft day. Woodhead, Marlon Brown, Charles Clay? Yikes. I know Zhans hates it when I pick him to win, but fuck you hans I cant legitimtely pick you to lose this week.

SPARK OF ZMART V TEAM MARTENS

Battle of the Bros. Battle of the Brothas. Battle of the black ass mothafuckin’ nig….o I aint going there. Is this the week Danny Amendola finally returns? Who cares, cuz if he does he’s just gonna get hurt again. No A-aron Rodgers really hurts Ross this week, and he is forced to start *gulp* ELi. Watch him go out and throw 4 touchdowns after getting goose-egged by the Panthers last week. Zmarts running backs need to step it up this week, or he’s gonna be on upset alert. I bet Zach takes home the win.

THE CHURCH OF PURPLE JESUS V TEAM KAUFHOLD

Oh boy, last & also least, we got the Maury Presents the Shart Bowl between 0-3 Kranz & 0-3 Kauf!

Maury

Kaep threw for 2 tuddys last night, and AJ Green, Trent Richardson & Decks have nice lil matchups, while Kranz has half his team across the pond in jolly old London. Do they actually have good games when they play over there? I honestly dont know. Good point Ebro.  I think Kauf gets his first win, and sends Kranz deep into a fantasy football shame spiral with an 0-4 start. Namaste.

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