Something has been going on with Running Backs this season: Most of them are absolutely pathetic, like when Zmart tells girls to lift more than 20 pounds. I mean, Doug Martin: 1 TD. CJ Spiller, Ray Rice: 2 weeks with double digit points. Trent Richardson: one week with double digits…roll tide! And those are just the first rounders. It gets much worse, like when James and Brooke posted their hilarious wedding pics on Facebook.
How you like them apples?
3/4 of the RBs in second are busts, and the 3rd round features David Wilson, Steven Jackson & the second worst fantasy player of all time (Lee Evens is clearly #1), Darren McFadden. The game of football is clearly moving away from the Running Back position, what with the spread, the read option & Running Back by committees. I think it’s time we are proactive to the problem in the fantasy, and thats why I have this suggestion for next season: ONE running back position. Yeah, thats right, I SAID IT. Look around, every trade & trade offer the past couple weeks are all fair but we all pretty much have one RB worth starting and thats about it, but we all have like 3 or 4 WRs or TEs who we would love to start in place of that one shitty RB. I think we take away the second RB position and make it a flex, and I think we will be all starting a lot more fantasy relevant players. My other suggestions for next year are make it a PPR league and start using fractions. It’s dumb that we are leaving yards on the board. My team lost by one to Brookes in week 2, but I gained more yards than her…so the better team lost. its 2013 ppl we are not cavemen!
Oh and thanks for the Sheriff, Zhans…..SHERIFF’S COMIN
MVP OF THE WEEK: Kaufhold, for showing up in full Vikings gear to the Vikings game!! Congrats on joining the greatest team to root for in the NFL!!!!!! SKOK!!!!! Surely this is not just a one week thing, fuck the Pack!!!! Glad your aboard with the Purple People Eaters 4 Life.
LVP OF THE WEEK: Me, for not writing EBROSTRADAMUS in time. I know this is how you all felt:
BOSTON STRONG AWARD: Half this league scored less than 70 points last week. 44 points nice goin Zhans, idiot! Better trade half your team.
BRANDON BURNS THATS INTERESTING AWARD: Danny Amendola is pure trash: 15 points all season.
LAST WEEK: 3-3
SEASON TOTAL: 16-20
SEADDERAL SEAHAWKS V SPARK OF ZMART
Zmart….two words: Sheriff’s Comin.
TEAM KAUFHOLD V TEAM EL DIRTAY
I really can’t give Kauf enough props. It’s no coincidence that the first week he starts his LIFELONG fanship of the lord’s one true team, the Minnesota Vikings, that he also gets his very first fantasy football win, presumably ever. I think I speak for us all when I say I am extremely excited to see Andrew Luck face off against Peyton & the Broncos, but I will avoid ESPN this week like I would avoid following James into a Theresas’s bathroom after pulling for draft order. It will be unbelivably obnoxious…..I think Sully will win this one.
PIMPIN AINT BREESY V EAT MY CECIL SHORTS
As of right now, Pimpin Aint Breesy isnt starting a QB…this is why I rarely make my picks so early in the week. Ryan Matthews projected 13 points? Laughable. Dallas Cowboys projected -4? I have never even seen a negative projection before. With the exception of Jamaal Charles, Taylors team has been a little stale, but seeing how Marissa has no starting or backup QB, I think he ends his 2 game losing streak.
COOPER CLUX CLAN V CHURCH OF PURPLE JESUS
These are two of the hottest teams in the FFF, and not only that, but they are projected within 1 point of each other!!! Thats the BARNBURNER OF THE WEEK siren going off, folks. Kranz’s rag tag team of young WRs are turning into very solid fantasy players (Ruben Randle, Keenan Allen) and he will get lucky if Mike Tolbert finds the endzone again. James is hurt by the losses of Jimmy Graham & Demarco Murray, but still boasts the deepest RB crew in the league. AP on Monday Night Footbal;…dis gon be gud. Still, I think James has the guns & the ammo to blow Kranz out of the water this week…no homo.
SHOW ME YOUR TDS V MONEY BADGER
The critics keep chirpin but Brady keeps winning, starting out an impressive 6-0. Well is this the week the run all ends? Megatron is banged up once again, and Pierre Thomas is on bye, so James Starks will likely start for the Money Badger. jeez, even Kauf at the height of being a Cheesehead wouldn’t have started the fool. Of course Brady has also only played 2 “good” teams all season, but hey 6-0 is 6-0. I think itll be 7-0 after this week, pretty much almost clinching a playoff berth minus a Siebs-like collapse.
WHORIN N SCORIN V THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN
Not gonna lie Hans, your new team is looking pretty damn sexy, copyright Matthew Berry. Very complete & with great depth, minus your 31st ranked defense. Ro Ro, dafaq is up with your new name??? Thought you wanted a church girl??? Man I was gonna go take you to see this new movie this weekend!
Im taking Hans, wow what a great looking team.
NEXT WEEK: THE EBROSTRADAMUS MID SEASON AWARDS