It’s a black tie event of the year, the Ebooooostradamus Mid Season Awards show! Smh to the Kranzies Award Show, smh so hard I get CTE ( joke copyright PFT Commentator) You guys like my scary new nickname? Not much to recap from the Vikings season so far, we better draft a QB and thats all I need to say about that, but I wouldnt be suprised if we took a shitty senior QB like Zach Mettenberg from LSU or Derek Carr’s brother from Fresno St. Spielman doesn’t know how to draft QBs for poop. I did, however, do some digging around last night at Winter Park and found this footage of our next potential quarterback..
ON TO THE AWARDS
EBROSTRADAMUS MIDSEASON TEAM
QB: The Sheriff (League MVP)
RB: Jamaal Charles
RB: Lesean McCoy
WR: Julio Jones (RIP)
WR: Wes Welker
TE: Jimmy Graham
K: Shut up
DEF: The Kansas City Chiefs, led by their new head coach:
(Heres a link to that gif if it takes too long to load: http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/193wxp0ekwqcsgif/original.gif)
Best FAAB Pickup: To toot my own horn, I would have to go with me for my pickup of Julius Thomas for $1 right before the season started. Thomas has scored in just about every game and was huge in landing me the Sheriff in a deal.
Worst FAAB Pickup: Yes we know he paid $55 for James Starks. Yes we know he paid $15 for LaGarrette Blount. But did you know Zhans worst FAAB blunder happened before the season. Same week I got Julius Thomas, Hans bid $1 for Knowshon Moreno..which was the highest bid, so it wouldve been a great pickup for the #5 RB this season. However, he also bid $1 for DANIEL THOMAS, and by doing that he had too many RBs! The system gave him Thomas, and James walked away with Moreno fo 100 % free.
Best Draft: James. McCoy & Graham with the first 2 picks are as good as it gets, and minus Mark Ingram he didnt draft any busts.
Worst Draft: Brooke. Golly James, is it that hard to do 2 drafts at once??? CJ Spiller, Stevan Jackson & Mike Wallace all high round busts.
Big Pile of Shit Award:
Sorry Kauf, congrats on turning the season around with 2 consecutive wins the past 2 weeks, but for most of the first half your team was absolutely a big ol pile of shit. Kaep, McFadden, Trent are all pure dinosaur dung.
Season Best Resembles this Sam Bradford Gif Award:
This goes to Kranz, whose season i would put at a 2.4 Kranzie. Roddy White, David Wilson & Dwayne Bowe have all busted, Shane Vereen got hurt after one great game, and you dropped Alshon Jeffery right before he blew up like the World Trade. Not an elite GM at all!
Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the pinnacle of the Ebrostradamus Midseason Awards, the POWER RANKINGS
1. Thumper, who’s gotta be feeling like this after opening the first 7 weeks of this season undefeated.
And bringing up the rear, the 2 girls, whose seasons so far have kind of looked like this
LAST WEEK: 4-2
SEASON TOTAL: 20-22
Two amazing games this week, both projected at least 117 points and both between potential playoff teams. 2 BARNBURNERS OF THE WEEK!!!!!
Im taking James over me, and Brady over Taylor.
Sully will continue to slip after the loss of Julio Jones, and after the embarrassing loss to Kauf. Im taking Kranz, who has rejuvenated his season and could get to .500 with a win.
Ross is not even close to as good as his 5-2 record suggests, and I think Brooke will suprise with the upset.
The next two games are absolute garbage matchups between 2-5 teams.
If you havent heard, it’s Kaufholds b day this weekend, and besides getting him on national TV at the Wild game, I will also give him the priceless gift of an Ebrostradamus fantasy victory gurantee.
Zmart is projected a measly 77 points. His team just doesn’t look very solid right now, so I’m taking Marissa.
Good luck this weekend everyone, and if you see me at a Halloween Costume party this weekend, this is what’s up: