Week 13: Turkey Day Edition

What up it’s full-time fantasy basketball juggernaut & sometime fantasy football god EBROSTRADAMUS here to wrap up the regular season on the final week of the year before we go into the extended playoffs for ze first time ever. The Commish has expanded the playoffs one full week and added 2 times to the always sexy playoff mix. I’m enjoying it because we got a lot of tough teams this year and I’d hate to see these boys hang up their helmets early…not counting the undeserving Easy Division candidates. I’m also enjoying the regular season finale falling on Thanksgiving Week. I guess you could say I’m– thankful– for it. Things Im also thankful for: Brazzers…Dang ol’ Brett Favre…McDonald’s Mighty Wings…Future Duke Blue Devil Tyus Jones..and of course, future Heisman Trophy winner AJ McCarron.

shirtless-aj-mccarron

MVP: Brookes whole team, beating a suprisingly high scoring Zmart squad 104-100. Six players with between 12 and 17 points. You go girl.

LVP: Chiefs Defense..-7 COME ON MAN. Also RGIII and Frank Gore really shit the bed for Taylor. 8 points combined on MNF sunk Taylors team’s playoff hopes. Atleast I think they did, cant remember the qualifications James is using to determine playoff seeds & teams. EDIT: Hes still got a shot.

Brandon Burns “Thats Interesting” Award:  Did you know Alex Smith is the 14th best fantasy player this season? Or that Joique Bell has been a top 20 RB? WOW!

Tiger

LAST WEEK: 5-1 (3rd week in a row going 5-1)

Jmoney_medium

SEASON TOTAL: 43-31

PLAYOFF SEEDINGS WITH ONE WEEK TO GO

  1. MONEY BADGER 11-1 BYE
  2. COOPER CLUX CLAN 8-4 BYE
  3. SHOW ME YOUR TDS 6-6
  4. TEAM EL DIRTAY 8-4
  5. SEADDERALL SEAHAWKS 6-6
  6. TWICE BORN AGAIN ATHEIST 6-6

James v Ross

Is Ross the new Scotty Siebiscut? He’s dropped 5 in a row to fall from 5-2 to 5-7, and now has a 0.1% chance of making the playoffs. Case Keenum, Rashard Mendenhall, Deangelo Williams + Steve Smith are all weak starters, and James has the most balanced team in the league. Can Ross re-live his week 2 98-97 victory over James?

JohnWallShakesHead

Kauf v Marissa

Marissa is fighting for her playoff life, and her title defense rests it’s case against playoff spoiler Team Kaufhold, who is on a 2 game winning streak and spoiling motherfucka’s playoff chances left and right in this mothafucka! This week doe? He’s got one motherfucka projected over 10 points. Marissa’s team is basically Drew Brees, Marshawn Lynch, and Danny “Woodcock” Woodhead, which is a legit 3-headed monster but the lack of support will likely cost her a playoff berth. Still, It would take a Turducken Day Miracle for Kauf to win.

Thump Daddy v Sully

Now this is a playoff worthy matchup right hurr. Shades of Pats-Giants Week 17 2007. One Brady’s got 8 out of 9 in the top 15 positional ranks, and the one motherfucka that aint is averaging 16.7 points the past month. The other Brady’s got the exact same shit except the one player is who isnt in the top 15 is averaging 19 points this past month! Fuck Flanders fake 5 Alarm Chilli, this matchup is a real fuckin’ 5 alarm Barnburner.

flanders

Right now Sully is projected to win 108-104. Its hard for me to bet against the Motor City Thumpers though, so I’m taking him. If only because the Lions wont be providing their typical soul crushing brand of Thanksgiving football this season.

Hans V Brooke

Another quality playoff-implications matchup here. Zac Stacey’s health will be a huge factor. If he plays, Brooke has a shot. If not…Hans could possibly steal a playoff berth. Hach has her outscored 1022 to 1015 this season, so he’ll need a convincing win but it shouldn’t be too hard, but I dont know. The playoff implications in the Easy Divison make my head hurt.

Zmart v Taylor

Yikes, Zmarts fully healthy team is projected to get 63 points this week. Not much to see here, Taylor will get the W.

Me v Kranz

I lied folks, we got not one but TWO BARNBURNERS OF THE WEEK!!!! Kranz is on a 2 game winning streak, I’m on a 2 game losing streak. AP & Peyton and the past & current MVPs of the league, and the best RB & QB in the game. The projected score is 113-111 to the Twice Born Again Atheist, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve coming on the FAAB bidding. The Chiefs D has been a huge letdown, after scoring tuddys left and right all year, has now “earned” me negative points the past 2 weeks, & the rest of my squad has some tough matchups. Antonio Brown is on fire right now, Shane Vereen doing hok fucks over Ridley as much as the fumbles do, and never bet against AD.. but fuck Kranz tho, Im taking EBROSTRADAMUS to lock it up this week, and end Kranz’s born again season.

peyton-manning-horns-e1328730869138

God Bless.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s