I’d like to start out this week’s Ebra by giving the full on raging EBROSTRADAMUS SALUTE to the greatest player of any sport of our lifetime, the Sheriff, Peyton Manning. 509 TD passes is one hell of a record, and it “passes” (lmao no pun intended) the greatest Vikings QB of our lifetime Dang Ol Brett Favre. Salute to you Peyton, salute to all your receivers from the murderous (Marvin Harrison) to the sexiest son of a gun to make me cream a pack of brand new Under Armour socks (Decks), and salute to the PEDS that let you come back so gracefully from 4 neck surgeries. I mean, he even planned AND practiced the 509 TD celebration.
RAISE THE EBROSTRADAMUS SALUTE FLAG
Inspired by the greatest reality show of all time, Andy Dick’s the Assistant, these are the guys who I would cut if I were you, a loser GM with no titles, not me, EBROSTRADAMUS, an ELITE FANTASY MIND with 2 titles. These are duders who were drafted with pedigree, yet 8 weeks later are hard to justify a roster spot and suck more balls than Phoenix Marie:
Bishop Sankey(somehow projected 16 points this week..idk what the ESPN is thinking with these projections sometimes.)
Maurice Jones-Drew (12 points this year)
Can’t believe we’re almost to the end of March and 1/4 of the league still hadn’t payed up. I would expcect this out of Zmarts, who may still not even know what Ebrostradamus is, but out of you big city slickers with your fancy big city wifi passwords and internet access to Leaguesafe.com and big city bank accounts? You have lowered yourself to Zmarts level and that is about the worst thing you can say to a person. Fin. End rant. Enough of this.
OK but back to TayLaw and Zhans
Jimmy Graham was the #1 TE until he got hurt two weeks ago and had a bye week. No matter how much the numbers line up for Forsett, you’ll have a hard time telling me Taylaw didnt get hosed here. Even sadder is that alledgedly proposed it himself. Graham has a ton of trade value and you likely could’ve improved your already high-scoring but low-winning squad with players a whole lot better than Justin Forsett. Obviously there was going to be a huge uproar when he said he might not pay, then not even 2 days later, he trades his first round pick? Thats why the FFF released the hounds on ya.
Taylor you need to take a bus ride around the city and take a long hard look in the mirror, pal.
SMH’s of the Week: Dexter McCluster LOL $20 for -0.5 points and he already got cut wow. That is elite GMing by Kauf Daddy in a tight 9 point loss to Brooke. Regular starting RB#2 Chris Johnson got 10 points BTW.
MVP of the Week: Sammy Watkins, Dez Bryant, Peyton Manning, SHANE VEREEN & MATT FORTE
LVP of the Week: Everybody on Sully’s roster besides Russell “Not black enough” Wilson for getting less than 10 points, Jay Cutler, Alfred Morris, Jimmy Graham. The Ugly Division has two teams with losing streaks longer than 4 weeks. One of them was a former Ebrostradamus Juggernaut Alert candidate, the other doesn’t believe in offensive pass interference if Notre Dame does it.
It does tho Brady, it does.
Week 8 Quick Picks
TEAM RADEMACHER over Cordarrelle Pat Her Ass Son
THE KARDASHLESEANS over Beat n Round The Bush
EBROLA VIRUS over Team Martens
HEAVY BREATHING over GronkNation #12
THE PRINCE OF POLAR over SouleTrain Express
THE GREAT KRANZBY over Everyday I’m Russelin’
LAST WEEK: 5-1
SEASON TOTAL: 21-21