Y’all ready to go? My name is EBROSTRADAMUS and I’m ready to bang this bitch the fuck out!!!!
Grab a beer, take a knee, helmet is not a chair, and enjoy the Midseason Ebroie Awards!
Ashley Schaffer Premature Ejaculator Award:
Zhans, for giving himself the title after picking up AP this week. A. Fuck you for screwing Ebrostradamus over. B. You know Goodell is such a dipshit that he won’t let AP come back right away, as if missing 8 games isn’t enough for the Ginger Hammer. IDK when you think your getting AP back but good luck with that. Of course, by the time this comes out, I could be looking like a total fool for this one.
Anthony Barr Pick Up of the Year Award:
Have to toot my own horn here and give it to myself for picking up Ahmad Bradshaw uncontested after week 1. Uh, he’s only been a top 5 RB with 6 receiving TDs is, uh, that good??
The Sexy Sheriff Award:
To Hans, for picking Peyton Manning AKA the sexiest player in the league, copyright Matthew Berry. Sorry Decks.
Dis Your Horrible Season in GIF Form Award:
Sorry Marissa, but a brutal 5 game losing streak has sunk most of your hope to get title belt #2 this season. I think everyone in the league appreciates you spoiling James’ hot start this past week.
The Ebroie MidSeason Player Awards
First Half MVP
Demarco Murray.. aka the best & most consistent player. Over 100 yards in every game. Only time will tell when he gets hurt and screws Raddo’s season. But he is destroying this National Football League. He has more rushing yards single handedly than all but two teams.
Runners Up: Matt Forte, Andrew Luck, Antonio Brown
First Half LVP
HIS NAME IS TOBY. 2.6 YPC, 9 catches, not a single rush longer than 13 yards. Now fricking Denard “Must be tying his shoelaces now” Robinson is making him look like the next Jamaal Charles behind that shitty Jags O Line.
Runners Up: Montee Ball, Doug Martin
Best RB Core
Team Rademacher easily wins this one: MVP Demarco Murray, Gio Bernard, tho he hasnt been the same since he was rocked here, Denard, Jeremy Hill, and the one shitstain Stevan Jackson. Well done sir.
Runner up: The Great Kranzby goes deeper than Amy Anderssen with Lamar Miller, Jerrick McKinnon, Ronnie Hillman, Brandon Oliver and Alfred Blue
Best WR Core
Surprisingly, no one really has a dominant WR core assembled, so to quote Kendrick Lamar: “I Love Myself”. Desean Jackson, Deandre Hopkins and Sammy Watkins are 13, 15 and 16 in WR points right now and Odell Beckham Jr aka ODB aka OBJ aka Macho King Kranz Defeater is averaging 15 points a game since coming back from injury a month ago.
Runner Up: The KardashLeseason’s are a BMarsh away from being more stacked than Shyla Stylez at WR, but for whatever reason BMarsh has been mostly a disappointment. Luckily Demaryious Thomas and Mike Wallace are beasting every week.
EBROSTRADAMUS ALL STARS:
QB: Andrew Luck
RB: Demarco Murray
RB: Matt Forte
WR: Antonio Brown
WR: Jordy Nelson
TE: Rob Gronkowski
Kicker: Korby’s Mom
Playoff Bracket Predictions
Here’s how I would project the current playoff bracket as it sits today. Don’t get butthurt about it OK losers?
Wild Card Round:
Ebrola Virus over Team Martens
Heavy Breathing over Gronknation #12
Ebrola Virus over Everyday I’m Russell N
Team Rademacher over Heavy Breathing
Ebrola Virus over Team Rademacher. Gotta believe in yourself, ya know?
Zhans bruh what we’re you thinking trading Gronk and Maclin for Cordarrelle & Megatron, brew? TWO WEEK 8 FORTY POINT SCORERS BRAH. Granted, Cordarrelle did show signs of life this week, and when Megatron is healthy he’s better at catching balls than Briana Banks, but after the immediate return for Sully in a week where you lost by 1.9 points has to hurt breh.
SMH of the Year (so far):
Sully’s draft. Already legendary in FFF annals.
JJ Watt Does he “Get It” too much? My friend PFT Commentator takes the golden boy down here: http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2014/10/does-j-j-watt-get-it-just-a-little-too-much.html
Did you know the original NFL Blitz had blood, swearing, and spinebusters before the NFL made them take it out? The behind the scenes look at one of the best NFL video games ever: https://sports.vice.com/article/how-in-the-hell-did-nfl-blitz-ever-get-made
Damn these bye weeks. We should be enjoying a high scoring affair from the two best teams in the league, Team Rademacher and Everyday I’m Russell’N, but Brooke’s team is down a few starters and is projected to nearly get doubled up.
SMH’s of the Week: Losing a 20 point lead in garbage time on MNF. Don’t know how you managed to lose that one Kranz, but SMMFH.
MVP of the Week: Odell Beckham, Marshawn Lynch, Mike Evans & Jeremy Hill, Matt Asiata and Jeremy Maclin, Ben Rapelisberger
LVP of the Week: Colts Def, Phil Rivers, Brooke’s whole team, Mike Floyd & John Brown
Week 10 Quick Picks
Dis how I woke up after going 6-0 last week
BEAT N THE BUSH over SouleTrain Express
HEAVY BREATHING over Prince of Polar
CORDARRELLE PAT HER ASS SON over The KardashLeseans
THE GREAT KRANZBY over Team Martens
GRONKNATION #12 over Ebrola Virus
TEAM RADEMACHER over Everyday I’m Russell’N
LAST WEEK: 6-0
SEASON TOTAL: 27-27