What up to my FFF crew its the legendary fantasy football magician with a crystal ball for a brain and who stays givin the ratchet losers pain, he brings the ruckus to all you suckas, the one, the only, EBROSTRADAMUS. Have to say, as bad as it kicked me in the balls last week, the new end of season “play your division” format is working out great and providing excellent drama as nearly every single matchup this week has huge playoff implications and sets up for a nice lil HATE WEEK to end the regular season. By my calculations, with .33 repeating of course, Team Rademacher is the only team that has clinched a berth and by those same repeating calculations, no team has been officially eliminated. Dis gon b guuuuuuuuud
Teams That Are Hot:
These guys need a splash of Guy Fieri’s water ‘cause they are getting too hot!!!!
Team Rademacher W3(Locked down playoff berth, Josh Gordon Back)
Beat N Round The Bush W2 (Looking pretty sneaky right now, don’t count on Jonas Gray tho)
The Great Kranzby W2 (AJ Green Back)
Teams That Are Not:
These guys and gals must be hanging around the buttoned-down mature Guy Fieri, not fucking hot at fucking all!!!
Everyday I’m Russell’N L3 (Still got the playoffs on lock, but yeeeeeeeeesh look at this roster. She could lose her BYE week advantage pretty easily with how her team is playing)
Gronknation #12 L3 (Show some respect to Gronk, change the name, or else you can giiiiiiiiiiit out. Of the playoffs, that is)
Playoff Seeding Preview
How it sits according to ESPN with two weeks to go
- Team Rademacher 8-3 BYE
- Everyday I’m Russell’N 7-4 BYE
- The Great Kranzby 6-5
- Heavy Breathing 6-5
- Ebrola Virus 6-5
- The Prince of Polar 5-6
**Four other teams also at 5-6
Obviously the way AP’s delayed return to football is rustling Ebro’s jimmies. Goodell is more out of control than Emperor Barack Huessin Obama’s drives out of the ladies tee box while golfing with Michael Jordan. The NFLPA needs to get CTE off their minds and FREE AP into it. AP has already sat out 11 weeks, 12 if you include this weekend, and that is double the suspension he would’ve got in the first place. Blame the courts for only giving him a slap on the wrist, blame the PC apology culture where AP can just trot out a prewritten apology and have it be all good with the fans, but due process is due process and AP got his, give up the “protecting the shield” facade and let AP play!! If he does end up being suspended for the whole year, which I suspect will be the case since Goodell is his own judge and jury and he’s the one who hears the appeal, I would still like the Vikings to give AP another shot next year. He’s still got it, and can be counted on for at least one more year. Good take Ebrostradamus!
Injuries really piled up last week, as Ahmad Bradshaw, Brandin Cooks, Emmanuel Sanders Julius Thomas etc. all got more dinged up than when Zhans drove into Thumpers car on the way to Old Country Buffet that one time, folks. Hopefully you did a decent job of stashing lottery tickets on your bench, because it’ll likely be slim picking on the FAAB, and the trade deadline has passed as well so you can’t pay your roommates under the table to make shady trades from here out!
SMH’s of the Week: Ebrola Virus putting up a puny 75, Princess of Polar for getting boat raced by 100 in a do or die matchup.
MVP of the Week: Mike Evans, Leveon Bell, Jeremy Maclin, AJ Green & Alfred Blue, Matt Forte
LVP of the Week: Bobby Rainey, Julius Thomas, Ben Tate, Pierre Garcon
Week 11 Quick Picks
TEAM RADEMACHER over Beat N Round The Bush
HEAVY BREATHING over Cordarrelle Pat Her Ass Son
PRINCE OF POLAR over Ebrola Virus
THE GREAT KRANZBY over SouleTrain Express
TEAM MARTENS over Everyday I’m Russel’N
THE KARDASHLESEANS over Gronknation #12
LAST WEEK: 2-4
SEASON TOTAL: 32-34
SEE Y’ALL AT HATE WEEK