Welcome to the Ebro Week Two Preview presented by Draft Kings And Fan Duel. Would you rather draft with the kings or duel with the fans? Enter promo code EBROST for a chance to lose all your money by riding Sam Bradford and AP on Monday Night Football!
Week 1 was mostly uneventful in the FFF, all blowouts that had ya boy zonked out by the 4th quarter, which I also thankfully did for the Vikings shameful loss to the 49ers and new donut delivery man *I mean* coach Jim Tomsula.
So the Vikes layed an egg in what should’ve been an easy victory over the 49ers, who definitely had the worst off season of any team in NFL history. We’re off to a kick ass start, fellow Skoldiers!! (Copyright Macho King Kranz)
Back to the FFF, only Raddo and James’s high scoring combat had any drama whatsoever, Raddo came from 20 back to squash James soul when Carlos Hyde got all HE”S LOOOSE on the Skol defense. 158.7-145.9…save some points for the rest of the season!
BTW kudos to all the sportscasters who introduced slobber knocker into the football lexicon this weekend. Fun to say, fun to type, love me some slobberknockers.
Sully…the only thing more pathetic than your draft was your puny 72 point effort. Things ain’t gonna be getting too much better, as DJax is hurt, Gore is cooked, the Sheriff can’t throw and Megatron is ignored. You’ll be on 100 Point Watch all year. As in, OMG SULLY GOT 100 POINTS!!!
Dez anyone have any good ideas for what Hans can do now that Dez is gone for at least two months? Tavon Austion scored twice but had negative yardage, I’m sure he will be solid from here on out. Dwayne Bowe almost got cut by the Browns. Tyler Lockett is just a punt returner at this point. Fantasy is a cruel mistress, it was all good just a week ago, your WR core was the best in the league. Now this. Reminder, use that promo code EBROST to pick up Marcus Mariota at only $7400 at the Browns, can’t miss baby!!!
Welp I bid $25 for David Johnson…everybody else combined to bid $0
Now I have CJ2K’s backup stashed as my 5th string RB. Alright alright alright.
Zhans tripled up the competition for Sankey at $34. Now he was absolutely muff cabbage last season, but with Mariota taking shotgun that could all change. Good job by Hans for once.
MVP of the Week: Carlos Hyde, Julio Jones, GRONK aka Sixtyniner aka firstname.lastname@example.org
LVP of the Week: Sammy Watkins, The Human Gerbil lineup
SMH of the Week: Raddo for using the ESPN Message Board like its 2006 or something.
Fan Duel Game of the Week:
Oops Eiferted Again vs Team Fischer
First of all, get a frickin name James christ almighty. Second of all, I bet there has been some epic trash talking going on in that new Fischer household this week: “James I’m craving dirt because I’m pregnant and thats what we crave when were pregnant” “Brooke Tilly farted on me again make her stop” “James have you even won a single penny on Fan Duel or Draft Kings lol?” Both teams are pretty stacked from top to bottom, similar to pornstar Nikki Benz. And similar to Nikki Benz, this one should be a banger.
Draft Kings Lame of the Week:
Human Gerbil vs. Team Martens
First of all, get a frickin name Zmart christ almighty. Second of all, holy shit did you guys do just a piss poor job of drafting. Look at some of the starters here: Duke Johnson, Chris Johnson, Cecil Shorts. Its only week two. I really hope neither of you win.
LAST WEEK: 1-5!
Peaky Fooking Kranzers over Dez Any1 Have A RB For Me?
Team Fischer over Oops Eiferted Again
30 for 30: Encore over Mile High Heros
Ebrola Virus over The Bedonkagronks
Tay Tot’s Tuddddies over Soule Train
The Human Gerbil over Team Martens