Week Three: 0-2 Loser Fuccboi’s

We’ve made it through two weeks in the FFF, and we have a couple of the historically elite FFF minds sitting at 0-2, including 3 of last year’s semi-finalists………. Sully is also 0-2. I hope you were sitting down when you read that. Can any of these loser fuccboi’s turn it around before it’s too late?

PEAKY FOOKING KRANZERS

This team just needs to wake up. Golden Tate and Lamar Miller haven’t done shit. Mike Evans might be the Fantasy LVP for his late game time decision scratch in week one and his donut in week two. HOWEVA, first round pick Leveon Bell is back from suspension, Tom Brady is the best player in the game, and Jared Cook and Jarvis Landry could be PPR beasts. Evans will turn it around and be garbage time gold for all the losing Tampa Bay is going to be doing this season. Kranz can definitely turn it around.

Tom Brady Uggs

I DONT WANT YOUR LIFE

Much like golden boy Lance Harbor, this team is dead due to a car crash for living life too damn fast and a quarter mile at a time.. Wait what? Too soon? Seriously Lance, we miss you. James has a lot of good, but not great fantasy players at the moment, but I will give him credit: There is a lot of potential on this team. Latavius Murray is looking exactly the opposite of the bust I called him, Moncrief should step it up since Andre Johnson & TY Hilton suck/are hurt, and Chris Ivory could be the SOD. HOWEVA, Brandin Cooks looks like a bad pick now that Drew Bressus is hurt but all other starters and most of the bench has some solid opportunity. Helps to have the best WR in the game with Antonio Brown. James can definitely turn it around.

RIP Lance harbor

EBROLA VIRUS 2: THE DEADENING

I have just flat out got boat-raced this season: My 318.2 points scored against is the #1 in the league, and nearly DOUBLE what Zmarts has faced. I CURSE THE SCHEDULING GODS!! DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU TO HELL YOU DAMN DIRTY APES. HOWEVA, I haven’t exactly been lighting up the scoreboard: Jeremy Hill & Alfy Mo got benched, Tony Romo got hurt, a Kansas City WR still hasn’t caught a TD in over a year, and Russell Wilson ignores Jimmy Graham in Seattle more than he ignores Ciara’s sweet ass pussy! It’s looking very likely ol’ Ebrostradamus will start out 0-3, and while I have great depth and all that jazz, the season may be over before it started. Go Carson Palmer, you’re my last hope Obi-Won.

Carson Doggin it

THE HUMAN GERBIL

There is no hope. The Sheriff has a limp noodle for an arm, Gore looks worse than Trent Richardson, and you have gotten zero RB touchdowns thus far. Megatron and Martellus Bennett are getting no help from their QBs, I mean seriously Jimmy Clauson is still in the league and throwing to what was once a promising PPR TE. God dammit Smokin Jay, get well soon! HOWEVA, Cecil Shorts may actually be one of the more promising things about this team, if he could only get more touches than Nate Washington. Sully is done.

Smokin Jay laid up

FAAB Summary

Welp, Hans done it again. A whooping $45 on Dion Lewis. He did outbid 5 other FFF’ers tho, so lets not pretend like you thought you could outsmart the FAAB King.  I don’t know what you guys are saving your money for when there’s a Belichick RB with two good career games to his credit out there on the waiver wire. All-in baby. Kudos Hans, you successfully pissed off the entire FFF with this one.

MVP of the Week:  Allen Robinson, ODB

LVP of the Week: Keenan Allen, Ravens DEF, Mike Evans

SMH of the Week: Commish losing to Mrs. Commish

Fan Duel Game of the Week:

Team Martens v 30 for 30: Encore

The only battle of undefeateds. I really have no clue how Zmarts is doing it: Julio Jones is his only good player. Luck has been trash, Steve Smith, Amari Cooper &  Kyle Rudolph have been okay and everyone else probably shouldn’t be starting. Duke Johnson started for crying out loud, I bet half the league doesn’t know who he plays for. Raddo has been rack rack racking up the points but the injury bug is going around and he really needs his WRs and TEs to step up if he wants long term success. Ladarius Green just had two concussions in 11 days so he’s got more head problems than ro ro ballin.

Draft Kings Lame of the Week:

Ebrola Virus vs Peaky Fookin Kranzers

The loser is pretty much fooked.

LAST WEEK: 2-4

TOTAL: 3-9

Van Der Beek cry

Not a good start for Ebrostradamus.

Peaky Fooking Kranzers over Ebrola Virus

I DONT WANT YOUR LIFE over Dez Any1 Have A RB For Me?

Oops Eiferted Again over Mile High Heroes

30 for 30: Encore over Team Martens

The Bedonkagronks over Tay Tot’s Tuddddies

Soule Train over The Human Gerbil

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