Weekly League Notes:
Sully Wins! Tom Brady can go fuck himself for throwing a TD pass to Legarrette Blount, giving the Dirty One a narrow 3 point victory over yours truly. What the fuck Tom? You’re an Under Armour sponsored athlete, and you do this to me? I thought we were supposed to Protect This House? I thought we’d be Protecting this House forever Tom. I’ll be wearing my Bill Belichick Halloween costume a lot less happily this year. Patriots can go fuck themselves.
Zmarts made the extremely bold decision of not starting a second WR in his matchup against Kauf, and surprisingly, it did not work out. Not only that, but his lifelong butt buddy Steve Smith Sr. put up 26 points sitting his ass on the bench. It wouldn’t have mattered, as Kauf “smoked” (Denver pun) him by nearly 50, but god damn Zmart. What would JCVD do? I recommend you follow @JCVD on Twitter to become inspired to uhhhh you know maaaayyybe fulfill some of the basic tenants of fantasy football like starting a full roster and having a god damn team name.
Marissa did not miss Jamaal Charles at all, putting up nearly 150 on Brooke’s ol pregnant ass. The return of Alshon Jeffery is a scary thing, luckily her RB2 situation is a little murky since I forgot his name already West is a bust and Ronnie Hillman is still shaky from week to week, although I feel like its about to be full on Ronnie Hillman time in the Mile High City a la CJ Anderson last year.
Thumper is officially on Juggernaut Status, just because those WRs are so damn strong and I can’t deny them any longer. DeAndre Hopkins is da gawd, Keenan Allen & Larry Fitz are the 3rd and 4th in the game and catching more balls than Lisa Ann at the NBA All Star Game. The run games got me a little worried, AP must have gotten all his strength from all the extra workouts he gave at home to his kids. Something just aint clicking this season, but the O Line is getting healthier so SKOK baby. Welcome to the Juggernaut Lifestyle, fam.
Sully Win Watch: Possibly the shortest lived segment in the history of EBROSTRADAMUS. Sully got a win. The End, let us never speak of it again.
The Human Gerbil added Ladarius Green for $21. Nobody else bid……I guess when you can get a backup TE who eats up Antonio Gates sloppy seconds if he’s lucky, you gotta do it. Zmarts also bid $10 for Graham Gano. Thanks for proving you are alive, buddy.
MVP of the Week: Legarrette Blount, Devonta Freeman, Deandre Hopkins
LVP of the Week: Falcons DEF, TJ Yeldon
SMH of the Week: Zmarts not starting a WR
Fan Duel Game of the Week:
Zhans v Zmarts
This week will be huge in deciding who is the contender and who is the pretender. Zhans has been hit badly by the bye week. He’s starting Charles Johnson, possibly the cruelest joke ever played upon Fantasy Analysts who had him in the Top 70 before the season. He has 5 catches this year..he sucks. HOWEVA Dez is almost healthy, Dion Lewis is legit and Gary Barnidge has been unreal considering who he plays for and who his QB is. There are the makings of a contender here..For Zmarts, injuries is the keyword. How healthy will Andrew Luck, Arian Foster, Julio Jones & Steve Smith remain this year? And for chrissakes, get a fucking team name.
Draft Kings Lame of the Week:
Raddo v Ebrostradamus
Honestly folks, I’M STARTING NOT ONE BUT TWO 3RD STRING RUNNING BACKS
30 for 30: Encore over Ebrola Virus
Team Martens over Dez Any1 Have A RB For Me?
Tay Tot’s Tuddddies over The Human Gerbil
Soule Train over Mile High Heroes
The Bedonkagronks over I DONT WANT YOUR LIFE
Peaky Fooking Kranzers over Oops Eiferted Again