Weekly League Notes:
Projected Playoff Breakdown
1:Soule Train (7-3) BYE
2: The Bedonkagronks (7-3)BYE
4: Peaky Fooking Kranzers (7-3)
5: I DONT WANT YOUR LIFE (5-5)
3: 30 for 30: Encore (7-3)
6: Team Martens (5-5)
Tay Tot’s Tudddddies (5-5)
Mile High Heroes (4-6)
Des Any1 have a RB4 me? (Holy hell, typing this out made me realize this is the worst team name of all time) (4-6)
Oops Eiferted Again (4-6)
Right now we have 4 teams at the top tied at 7-3, so the matchup between Kranz and Thumper is gonna be ahuyuuuuuge in defining seeds. Frankly, Brooke, Kauf, and Zhans could be eliminated, or at least handicapped with losses this week. Taylor is only 12 points behind Zmarts for a playoff berth, so both these guys need to both pour it on AND win to gain separation from the pack & each other. Me and Sully have been taken out back, beaten with a hose, and shot like Billy did Lassie.
No real easy way to say this fellas, so gather round and take a knee. Helmet is not a chair. Well….here goes nothing: Peyton Manning had -6.6 points last week against the Chiefs. He’s a washed up, played out, has-been dry dick loser. Sully, your a bitch ass pussy who aint about shit aka a fuckboi for having him on your roster this long. #SALUTE to the Sheriff and the years of both fantasy and real life joy he had brought us. Enjoy your retirement with the Papa.
Nothing of note really happened. I got Joique Bell fo free, and I think that’s pretty neat.
MVP of the Week: Eric Decker, Martavious Bryant & Matt Jones
EBROSTRADAMUS RB Memorial LVP of the Week: Sully’s whole team. 66 points. Also Peyton and anyone who relies on Peyton to get points.
SMH of the Week: Sully didn’t start a kicker..Hmmm maybe don’t drop Steven “Hausch” Hauschka??? Uh duh duh doiiiiiiiii
Fan Duel Game of the Week:
Kranz V Thumper
Is it time to take Brady off Juggernaut Status? If he takes an L here, you can bet your sweet ass it’ll be dropped faster than a pass to Kyle Rudolph in the end zone. McFadden is on the injured list now and the only shock is how long it took. Arodg’s GF Olivia Munn is clearly giving him all types of trouble on the football field, and now he has to face Mike Zimmer’s Kick Ass Defense. Good fucking luck, asshole. Meanwhile, the Macho King hasn’t lost in two fortnights (google it), and frankly, it’s time to ask if he will ever lose again. For my mula, yes, yes he will next week against the Bedonkagronks. Deangelo Williams on the bye hurts (Thumper gets lucky again missing a team’s #1 RB), but his team is rolling harder than a couple Minnesota boys cumming in the Tennessee sun. Look for GQ Man of the Year Tom Brady to rip open Rex Ryan’s skull and take a big steamy dump in it. Go Pats!
Draft Kings Lame of the Week:
Ebrostradamus v Team Martens
Honestly I’m getting sick of writing about me or Zmarts in the game matches, but we’re basically the Titans v Jags of this week’s slobberknockers. We look cool as fuck, but basically our teams are flawed and we have no hope at this year. I mean it’s week 11, and I’m finally able to bench Jeremy Hill. Obviously I’m Jacksonville due to my Mark Brunell origins, and I think I crack open a W up in that ass.
30 for 30: Encore over Oops Eiferted Again
The Bedonkagronks over Dez Any1 Have A RB For Me?
Peaky Fooking Kranzers over Soule Train
I DONT WANT YOUR LIFE over The Human Gerbil
Ebrola Virus over Team Martens
Mile High Heroes over Tay Tot’s Tuddddies