Weekly League Notes:
WELP, we made it: Welcome to the FFF Playoffs!!!!
Salute to Raddo and Thumper for earning byes, and congrats to Marissa, Kranz, James, and Zmarts for being a cut above the rest. Minus you Zmarts you didn’t even know you were in the playoff hunt when I saw you at the Vikings game what the hell is wrong with you. Unfortunately Taylor finished a mere 6.7 points out that last spot, the reasons why I’ll discuss later….on a special edition of Ebro’s Turning Point with Dan Patrick and NFL Films.
A special Ebrostradamus Shout Out to Raddo, Taylaw already summed it up perfectly in his Facebook post, but folks he was drunker than Lindsay Lohan at the draft and he still put together one hell of a team after drafting Joseph Randle and Davante Adams in the 3rd and 4th round. I haven’t seen stretches like that since Backdoor Sluts 9. He’s on a 5 game win streak, won 8 of his last 9, and is looking to be the first FFF GM to go baaaaack 2 baaaack since EBROSTRADAMUS. Eat em up Raddo!
Holy hell, did we have two crazy fantasy football finishes to end the week. I haven’t seen two finishes this crazy since the times James knocked up Brooke!! It started Sunday night when Antonio Brown returned a punt with the Steelers already up 25 points on the Colts (WTF Tomlin) and showed why he is both the best WR and the best TD celebration artist in the league, and then Donte Moncrief used his one catch for 33 yards on 4th down with less than two minutes left to propel James into the playoffs with a 0.8 win over wifey. THEN Monday night we had the wanna be Djax late game heroics fiasco turn into madness when Dez caught a 42 yard pass late in the 4th to give Zhans a 1.5 point W and more importantly, steal the bye week right out from the Macho King’s lesbian boots and allowed Thumper both a bye and a spot on the “easier” side of the bracket.
A pivotal moment this season occurred Week 5 when Taylaw & Raddo exchanged ODB for Forte..did it cost Taylaw a playoff spot? Since then ODB has had one week of less than 19.1 points, including one 8 catch, 130 yard and 3 TD beatdown on the Saints. Forte, on the other hand, got hurt, and is now in somewhat of a timeshare of Jeremy Langford. ODB has outscored Forte 187-82.3…Taylaw missed the playoffs by 6.7 points…SMH of the Year candidate folks.
They say revenge is a dish best served cold. Well those dumb motherfuckers never saw how hot Cecil Shorts has been playing the past few weeks since Sully cut him lose. I can think of no sweeter revenge for the disgrace of not being “good enough” for Human Gerbils than by me starting him in me and Sullys Turd Bowl matchup this week. Honestly I wouldn’t even consider this season a failure if my new favorite player Cecil leads me to a victory.
Nobody went for more than $3, Bilal Powell was the big pick up and Carlos Hyde hit the waiver wire after not touching the shitty Levi’s Stadium turf since week 8.
MVP of the Week: Antonio Brown, Russell Wilson, Dez Bryant
EBROSTRADAMUS RB Memorial LVP of the Week: Charknado, Jarvis Landry
SMH of the Week: Zmarts not even knowing he was gonna make the playoffs.
Fan Duel Game of the Week:
James v Kranz
Todd Gurley needs to stop being a gurl, and start being a man! The Commish’s lineup is nasty if the Rams rookie can stop being polite and start getting real. Cam, Antonio, Rawls…top to bottom not much weakness and a solid bench to boot. Meanwhile, Kranz has run out of momentum, and this team is super hit or miss right now. Mike Evans vs the New Orleans secondary is super sexy, but relying on Lamar Miller & Jarvis Landry and more importantly the Dolphins coaching staff is the stuff of fantasy nightmares. I like JAMES this week.
Zmarts v Marissa
Marissa will smash Zmarts this week. Now, the Falcons (Matt Ryan & Devonta Freeman) do have a tough matchup v the Panthers, but the Saints almost dropped 40 on them last week. Brandon Marshall is definitely going into the HOF after getting a 1,000 yard season for his 4th team, and all the other matchups are solid. Meanwhile, Zmarts is starting two RB’s who haven’t scored a touchdown yet this season. I like MARISSA.
Draft Kings Lame of the Week:
Cecil Shorts Revenge Game