Welcome the FFF 6.0! Just a place where us guys can be dudes, and where Brooke and Marissa are honorary dudes for the season. I’d also like to welcome Forrest to the league, thx for stepping in on short notice. Huge bro move, we all appreciate it.
First of all, I’d like to thank James for the incredibly smooth start to the season. Props.
The first inaugural FFF Scramble was a huge success. Gorgeous day, gorgeous course, and of course, gorgeous shots down the fairway by me, Raddo, and Kranz all day long. Raddo is pretty used to hitting the greens, I think we all know that. The other group in the Scramble tho, yikes. Forrie showed up looking like he went partying w Ryan Lochte the night before. Uhhh, hey Forrest? Some of us can handle the arcade lol. Must have looked like Tiger, Rory and Speith ahead of you bozos all day. Pretty funny when your “best shot” one hole out of you 3 was an unhittable bunker shot that you had to use a “free drop” right in front of us…golf can be humbling. Golf is also a gentleman’s game, and the best part was the handshakes after. Almost as good as in the NHL.
Done or Finished?
Some of our favorite fantasy players are getting old or injured. So are they done, or finished?
Frank Gore: Done
Steve Smith Sr.: So done he’s finished
Jimmy Graham: Finished
Vincent Jackson: Done
Tony Romo: Finished
Teddy Bridgewater: Done, but not yet finished
Ebro Preseason Predictions.
**Note** these were written before the draft, and where the players ended up had no effect on my predictions.
Brandon Marshall: Another year of 100 catches, 10+ TDs, and zero domestic disputes.
TY Hilton: 12 TDs, 90 receptions for the speedy wideout from Florida International as he and Andrew Luck pair to lead the Colts to the AFC South Division Title.
Marvin Jones: Potential SOD?? 6 TDs and 90 receptions as the Lions faithful say “uuhhhhhhh, Calvin who?”
Todd Gurley: The Hard Knocks curse “knocks” this hardbody out after two weeks. Gurley has terrible o line (RIP Kush) and is just a bad value whichever round he goes, but especially in the first round, and especially if its in the first 3 picks. Hopefully no one is dumb enough to do that.
Demaryious Thomas: The only thing higher than the residents in Denver is going to be the balls he gets thrown to by
Mark Sanchez Trevor Siemian. How can he catch the ball if Mark Sanchez Trevor Siemian fumbles the ball on his guard’s butt nearly 3 times a game?
Russell Wilson: He finally had sex w Ciara, so I wouldn’t be surprised if all the magic he built up is gone. Will revisit this prediction if they break up, Future started making his best music after his breakup with the pop singer. This is what one night of sex with Ciara will do to a man.
SOD: Marvin Jones
Biggest Reach: Thomas Rawls, HOWEVA I give props to Hans for going up and getting a player he wants, & Rawls really produced when he ran the rock last season. But, if we drafted today he’d be in the 3rd/4th round, given his 34 rank on ESPN.
Drunkest Draft: James. Heavy competition this year though, shoutout to Forrest & Raddo.
Highest Draft: Kaufhold.
Sully Memorial Freakout Pick: Probably when James said he was the dictator, the captain, the president etc. when Kranz tried to challenge his authority on the draft clock. Bow down, BK!!!
Worst Draft: Kranz
Best Draft: Taylor
Fearless Final Four Prediction:
Bonus Viking prediction:
10-6 9-7. This Ringer article has me yakked about the Vikings defense & Coach Zimmer. Wait 9-7, I hate hate hate the Sam Bradford trade, been lashing out at friends and family all weekend. Final Vikings prediction, 7-9.
Couldn’t have scripted it better for the biggest Steeler fan to get Antonio Brown. The rest of the draft must have been written by M. Night Shamaylan, because it is a nightmare. Dion Lewis, he gon! Good thing you have another RB u can plug in and …..oh wait, you don’t. Hard to fuck up the kicker pick too, but leave it up to BK to take Robert Aguayo.
Best: Antonio Brown at 1
Worst: Stefan Diggs at 73
Julio-Charles-Evans was the strongest 3 round combo IMO. Don’t know what you& your hubby have against finishing a draft strong though. Must have been dreading that car ride home where James derided all your picks one by one and/or took a nap. And what’s up with the Fischer household really hating to drafting two QBs? And where is your #2 kicker? Did you learn nothing from your dad?
Best: Woodcock at 47. Major Grit coins for you. We are all Gritnessess.
Worst: Dontae Moncrief at 50. I hate paying expected value for players that haven’t done it yet.
Payed the Hard Knocks tax by taking the Gurley Man at 3. You know this is a PPR right? Followed it up very strong, and I actually love this draft. Huge Demarco Murray fan this year…don’t draft Vikings WRs until proven otherwise. Who knows when Treadwell will start. Paid the Vikings Fan Tax with that one.
Best: Demarco Murray at 46
Worst: LaQuan Treadwell at 99
This fawkin cawksucka produced more hits than the fawkin Red Sox in the first rounds. I would be crapping Dunkin Donuts if I snagged ODB at 4, basically one of the funnest fantasy players of all time to own. The Gordon pick in the 9th was worse than the ball rolling through Billy Buckner’s legs, but if he actually scores this year, I’ll tip my Sawx hat. Rest of draft was greater than an Affleck-Damon script for The Town 2: Our Fawkin Cawksuckin Town. Great team Tay Tot.
Best: ODB at 4
Worst: Melvin Gordon at 93
Lot of value picks here, honestly could tell you were hoping the clock would elapse so the computer would make the choice for you. Sad. I had Sammy Watkins last year, not sure I’d want him to be my WR1 but following him up w/ Keenan Allen is solid.
Best: Keenan Allen at 29
Worst: Matt Forte at 44
Once again, the reigning back to back champion has produced a god awful draft. Little depth, little excitement at the top, and Eli at QB. Jordan Reed is having thumb issues, hope you don’t need two good thumbs to catch the ball in the National Football League. Fantasy experts are higher than Kauf at the draft on David Johnson, but I’d bet he finishes outside of the Top 5 this year.
Best: Decker at 43
Worst: Jordan Reed at 30
The Commish drunkenly plowed his way to a solid squad somehow, even after admitting to not know what was going on after the 13th round and possibly taking a nap during rounds 15-16. Great WRs + Fleener could a be a monster in Nawlins, but these RBs perform less than a pornstar with HIV. Uhhhh.. hey James, you know Tom Brady is suspended the first 4 weeks, ever heard of drafting a backup? You paid $10 for James White instead of a QB, hows that gonna work for you?
Best: Fleener at 90
Worst: McCoy at 31
Another year, another stellar draft. I gotta say, I have no idea how you and E-40 are relaying picks & info to each other, but the process is now pretty seamless. Not afraid to say Carlos Hyde might have been the worst pick in the draft, but you backed it up with a handful of value PPR backs. HOWEVA, these backs all play on bad teams, so your either on something or onto something relying on the garbage time points.
Best: Delanie Walker at 65
Worst: Carlos Hyde at 29
Taking a page out of his high school playbook, Zmarts is acting like injuries don’t matter. Zeke, Edelman, Eifert & Steve Smith Sr. already playing hurt or injured. It’ll be interesting to see if these injuries play a factor this year, whether positive or negative. Love the Eziekel Elliot- Lamar Miller combo. Love it almost as much as Zmarts loves being in this league, loves knowing when the draft time is, loves staying for the whole draft, & loves knowing if he’s going to make the playoffs or not a week before they start. Zmarts is a FFF guy to the core, salute.
Best: Lamar Miller at 16
Worst: Steve Smith at 88
Learned my lesson, fuck RBs and anybody who drafts em! Gronk-Bmarsh-TY-Landry is pure Ebro cooking up something special in the fantasy kitchen, that aroma of consistent targets and high TD potential wafting into other GMs locker rooms, all the other players both loving the smell and yet sweating from that familiar feel, that feel that comes every August when they know that Ebro done it again.
Best: Marvin Jones at 87
Hans drafted a concussed Dez Bryant first, broken ankled Thomas Rawls second, two Packers (brain damage) in the 3rd & 4th, Larry Fitz has an MCL strain, Jimmy Graham tore his patellar tendon aka the injury no one recovers from. Also took a kicker in the 12th. Thx for the $100 Hans!
Best: Eddie Lacy at 35
Worst: Jimmy Graham at 83
Forrest zigged while everyone zagged, taking RBs in the first 3 rounds…then looked around, and realized he was a sheep in the wolves den. Half his studs are suspended for the first month. Kelvin Benjamin & Davante Parker are also pretty weak for PPR. HOWEVA, if Devonta Freeman & Leveon Bell produce like the best RBs in the game like they were last year, Forrie might avoid honoring Sully by finishing in last place like The Dirty One did in his final FFF season. Welcome to the jungle!
Best: Gary Barnidge at 109
Worst: CJ Anderson at 36
Weekly League Notes:
Hans starting early with his patented FAAB financial responsibility, paying $15 for Ebro’s favorite player in history, RGIII. Anytime you can pay $15 for a Browns QB to sit on your bench behind Arodg all season, you make that pick up all day long. Bidding against no one was the smart strategy by owners early on here, as James also put up an uncontested $10 for James White, a part of the always trustworthy Patriots backfield. Honestly I hate this move more because James choose White over starting a QB apparently. I also bid $3 against no one for a guy named Christine.
Alright y’all, that was 2000 words on the draft. Now let’s follow the advice of the dang ol gunslinger Brett Favre, and just have some fun out there this season!
Top Dog of the Week: All of us. Hopes are high!
Lil Weenie of the Week: Sully
Bozo Move of the Week: Also Sully, not a bro move at all.
LAST YEAR: 34-48
TOTAL: 0-0 FRESH START
Week One Picks
Brooke over Kranz
Marissa over James
Me over Zmarts
Thumper over Raddo
Kauf over Taylor
Hans over Forrest