Harambe Would’ve Loved Rams-49ers Edition

Weekly League Notes

Congrats to everyone in the league for getting over 100 points!!!! I am officially putting Brooke on Juggernaut Status Alert after a 168.7-156 Barnburner with BK. Brooke has to be thanking the fantasy gods Kranz hates having a pair of solid RBs on the squad to start the season. 168 is almost a very nice number (wink) and I’m sure James didn’t lose any sleep since he has had to accept by now who the true Elite GM is in the house. Spencer Ware is looking like fantasy manna from heaven (aka the football Darko Milicic) until Jamaal Charles comes back. Spencer came out so hot you’d have thought it was a Kranz poop in Mexico.  It has to hurt putting up the second most points in the league yet taking an L, so I’m lifting my prayers & thoughts up to the Macho One this week.

ESPN totally pissed the bed Sully style Week One. Folks, they fucked up so bad they hired Taylaw. How bad can one company mess up? Yahoo looks sexier by the minute, especially when the ESPN app is sending these crappy Matthew Berry updates:

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How do you love Doug Baldwin, but hate Russell Wilson?? I was just gonna post about how dumb it is they push these, but then I actually read the notifications and now I’m even more mad.


Done or Finished?

Dear Ultra Light Browning, Team Martens, Mile High Heroes, Final DEZtination, Hyde Yo Money, & Soule Train:

You’re 0-1, give it up losers, szn’s over.

But who’s done, and who’s finished?

Ultra Light Browning: Finished

Team Martens: Finished

Mile High Heroes: Done, not yet finished

Final DEZtination: Started the season off Finished

Hyde Yo Money: Done

Soule Train: FINISHED


Rams-49ers MNF notes

This was a late night game, and I know some of you are hard workers and determined to get 8 hours of sleep in a night so you can put in some hard yakka on the job. But for those of us up late, for us fantasy footballers that give a motherfuck,  it was a true treat. 100 % slobber knocker football.  

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It’s only week one and we don’t want to rush to judgements, especially since the 49ers are perennial Week One Champs, but yikes did the Rams look bad. I mean if you watched Hard Knocks you knew this team was gonna be worse than every superhero movie of the past two years combined (Hollywood hot take), but gaaaaaaaaaaaawd daaaaaaaamn.  It is going to take a Herculean effort from Todd Gurley to make the 3rd overall pick worth it. In the end, I can sleep happy knowing Harambe would’ve loved this game.

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Sully Memorial Quitter of the Week: Thumper had 3 guys walk off the job Week One, Keenan Allen, Sammy Watkins, & Zach Ertz. These players could learn a lesson from former XFL QB Jeff Brohm. If you got a pulse, get on the field.


Week One Quick Judgments

  • Sam Bradford who? Might be time to see if the Vikes can get a refund of that trade. They can probably flip him for two Firsts when this is all said and done.
  • The Super Bowl Trophy is staying in the Mile High City this year.
  • Larry Fitz the GOAT, ppl forget he’s from MN and one of us, ya know.
  • Jameis Winston = MVP
  • Matt Stafford = This year’s Cam Newton, the top 5 QB who goes for free
  • AJ Green = #1 WR this year? The Commish thinks so after lighting up Revis Island for 12-180 & a TD.

Week One Regrets

Nothing better than that feeling after Week One when you know you totally fucked up in the draft or extended FAAB. Here’s who ppl should be regretting taking after week one:

  • RGIII
  • Keenan Allen
  • Todd Gurley
  • Devante Freeman
  • Dez Bryant

Almost as bad is realizing who you should’ve drafted. Here’s who we all regret not taking:

  • Kelvin Benjamin
  • Matt Stafford
  • CJ Anderson
  • Larry Fitzgerald
  • Willie Snead

Uhh hey Brady? Leave the predicting to EBROSTRADAMUS

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FAAB Summary:

Pretty weak FAAB, as most of the players who typically would’ve cost big bucks as week one pickups (Spencer Ware, Christine Michael) were already swooped up. Ebron for $11 is too little, too late for ZShart. Lotta bids for scrub San Diego WRs too. You know its sad when even Hans doesn’t make a splash, getting the gritty + scrappy Dallas WR Cole Beasley fo free. One Gritcoin to you, Hans!

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Top Dogs of the Week: Deangelo Williams, Spencer Ware

Lil Weenie of the Week: Todd Gurley

Bozo Move of the Week: Zsharts for A. Drafting an injured TE B. Not picking up a backup in the monthlong wait C. Losing by 5. Classic.

LAST WEEK: 2-4

TOTAL: 2-4

Week Two Picks

Ebro over Forrest

Commish over Thump

Raddo over Marissa

Taylor over Brooke

Kauf over Kranz

Zmarts over Zhans

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