Yo yo yo whats up you FFF mother fuckers!!! Vikings 2-0!! Every single RB in the league hurt!! Brady, Kauf, Marissa & Zmarts 0-2 done & finished!!! Raddo, Forrest, James & Taylor potential Juggernauts!! The rest, in the middle and not sure if good or bad (except you Zhans. Bad!) Alright, lets rip!!
Interesting week in the FFF, as Zmarts set the bar for the Low Score alert with 75, and no one crossed 130 points. Kranz had one of the most exciting & unexpected victories in FFF history, upsetting Kauf 118.4-117 after Stefan Diggs ran up 33.2 points on SNF and delivered an all-time kick in the ballsack to the Mile High Heroes. Also, the Vikings defeated the Packers, but when you’re a Vikings AND Packers fan like Kauf, it’s win-win!
Speaking of which….HOLY SHIT VALHALLA!!!!!!
Classic guys bein dudes.
The Vikes were Skokin’ & Suasin’ up the field pert near all game on the pathetic Packers. Sturdy Sam Bradford borrowed his dad’s XXXXL pads and actually looked like a real life NFL QB for 4 quarters, making the home opener of Valhalla a huge success & thus justifying the 1st & 4th draft picks we sent to the Eagles. In all honesty, Sturdy Sam played easily the best game of his life and we only put up 17 on the pathetic Pack. Gonna take more than 17 points for me to get too excited about the season long prospects of the Sturdy Sam Era. Folks, Ebrostradamus wouldn’t be surprised if Luke Kuechly put ol Sturdy Sam in a head set and visor pert near halftime after farting on him in the first half.
Week Two Quick Judgments
- RIP to AP & the 6 other starting RBs we lost in week 2. Looking forward to starting Rhett Ellsion in the RB slot come week 8. Just gotta draft better, so I’m told! AP was pure stinky doo doo this szn and doesn’t seem like that big of a loss, but we are all feeling bummed for the Paperboy, Danny Woodcock.
- If your last name is Benjamin, its in your genes to be good at WR.
- Matt Ryan is this year’s Cam Newton. Top 5 QB you could’ve gotten fo free.
- Jimmy Garoppolo=MVP
- If ODB cant get 300 yards and 3 TDs against a New Orleans secondary w/ 2 rookies & a guy off the streets, then I know nothing about fantasy football or football in general, and therefore should tuck my dick into my ass & call it a life. Fuck this game sometimes!
- Uhhhh hey Brooke? Like Ebro’s leftover QBs much? Jameis can’t play ATL everyweek heh heh. MVP my ass.
- Steven Hauschka 27th in kicker points?? Whats goin on Haus? We love ya no matter what but kick it into gear, pun intended!
Week Two Regrets
- Bradys first 5 or so picks: All not just hurt, but injured. Brutal breaks, m8.
- Anyone who bet on Blake Bortles.
- Me for trashing Melvin Gordon.
- Having Zmarts in this league.
Asiata was a big purchase for Ebro at $10. Thx, u chuuuuumps. Folks, if you don’t use it, you lose it. Dennis Pitta & Quincy Enunwa are great pick ups for the price & opportunity. Good on ya Kranz & James!
Top Dogs of the Week: Kelvin Benjamin, Stefan Diggs
Lil Weenie of the Week: The 7 RBs who got hurt & gave their GMs basically nothing.
Bozo Move of the Week: Team Martens for starting 3 Lions not named Matt Stafford or Marvin Jones
Fantasy Darko aka Blessing of the Week: Stefan Diggs
WEEK 3 PICKS
LAST WEEK: 3-3
Kauf over Brooke
Ebro over Zhans
Forrest over Zmart
Thumper over Marissa
Raddo over James
Kranz over Taylaw
Hate Week coming Week 5!