Folks, it’s been a political season to remember. Frankly, we’ve had a ton of chuckles thx to Hildawg & The Donald, and someday we will look back and laugh at this circus. SMH, those clowns up in Washington at it again, can’t wait to bust my gut & blow out a tiny turd (or a shart) LOL’ing at these bozos again in 4 years!
The results from Tuesday’s election has most political pundits talking the same exact way as Eagles CB Leodis Mckelvin describes football, which is to say sweaty, cuss filled ramble that makes absolutely no sense and we’re all dumber for hearing it.
— Joe Giglio (@JoeGiglioSports) November 7, 2016
HOWEVA (Stephen A. Smiff voice) The He Man Women Haters is a safe space, a place where guys can be dudes, where rivals can come together, find common ground, and become brothers.
Also, if this lizard video from Planet Earth set to the MNF Countdown theme doesn’t make you brick up for football, I don’t know what will.
Set the Planet Earth iguana chase to the NFL Primetime music. Feel great about it. pic.twitter.com/Bug0Ej8bu2
— Brian Grubb (@briancgrubb) November 7, 2016
The It’s Rigged Award–
This award goes to me, as I have racked up countless accolades & high spots in the power rankings from my peers, as well as matriculated the second highest point total in the league on way to a stunning 4-5 record and a likely visit to the Toilet Bowl again. Jav, we all know I got done dirty last post season with the matchup switcheroo, there is still time to make this wrong a right and give me Indian Boy’s puny schedule. I’d be 7-2 for fucks sake!!
Ken Bone Award
AKA the Fresh Face from this election that everyone can’t get enough off. This award goes to Indian Boy for coming in looking like a total chump yet has pulled off a 6-3 record thx to having the least points scored against. Much like how everyone is still in love with the plump and therefore hilarious undecided voter Ken Bone, we are all happy for Ben that his easy schedule has allowed him success thus far. Keep up the good work Ben, we’re all rooting for you.
Lights Off Award https://vine.co/v/5Wm7igEpLKX/embed/simple
This goes to Eddie.
Hilary Dabbing Award
This is a moment where we should’ve realized it could’ve all gone wrong. For Hildawg, it was going on Ellen and setting back pop culture 69 years. For the He-Man Women Haters, it’s Big Kell. There were whispers during the draft Big Kell might have a winner winner chicken dinner on his hands after his Stars & Scrubs approach netted him Cam Newton, Antonio Brown & AP. Those scrubs tho.. havent seen scrubs this bad since Zach Braff & Donald Faison were on the airwaves. Outside of Lagarrette Blount for $3, none of these bozos was worth the dollar they cost in auction.
On to the Week 10 Picks.
Eddie v Jake
Is Joe Flacco elite? According to my data this season, no, no he is not. Luckily for Java, he does play the Cleveland Browns this week. HOWEVA, the Browns are currently +450 underdogs, which is what Donald Trump started out Tuesday at. We all know how that ended up.
Prediction: Jake deports Eddies in a week 1 rematch
Ben J v Brady
Matt Ryan? Thats a dude. Brady’s taking a page out of Porter’s book as he’s gone streaking to the tune of 3 straight wins. The only thing smaller than Porter’s package is Ben J’s chances at winning this week.
Prediction: Brady trumps Ben J by 20.
Jubby v Kellen
Jubby added a cool $15 his wallet the last time these two teams played, but has dropped 2 in a row & faces some tough player matchups again this week. Jimmy Graham is back to being an absolute stud & even Dez Bryant has stopped beating up his mom long enough to become fantasy relevant again, so the squad looks great on paper. HOWEVA, Kellen has finally gotten the first W of the season and has all the momentum of a runaway freight train. Great matchups for Big Kel, with Justin Tucker v the Browns being the cherry on top.
Prediction: Kellen grabs Nick by the pussy, 93-89.
Ebro v Indian Boy
Carlos Hyde got the best of me during our week one matchup, but luckily thanks to Donald Trumps deportation laws ( or injuries), I have one less Carlos to worry about this week. If Mike Evans sits out this week, Indian Boy doesn’t stand a chance.
Prediction: I build a wall around Indian Boy, 420-69.
Jeffrey v Beau
Arguably the most inconsequential game on the docket, this game is hardly worth mine or yours time previewing, similar to Hilary skipping out on campaigning in typically Blue States like Wisconsin which stunningly turned Red this election. Can’t blame her for skipping out on that hellhole tho.
Prediction: Beau locks her up.
BONUS PREDICTION: Neither Jeffrey nor Kellen lubes up for the bodybuilding challenge.