Hate Week motherfuckers! Learn how to fucking draft, learn how to fucking trade, learn how to start more than 5 players Zmart, learn how to not change the rules every 2 weeks for your benefit James, learn how to not blow a perfect season to Zmart, Brady, learn how to manage a FAAB budget Zhans, learn how to read Ross. To everybody else, I hate you just as much. Your team is a motherfucking joke and you should apologize for not being an Elite GM like me.
Things Im Hating On: All this Knicks talk. Coach Cal would never leave Kentucky and why would KLove leave just to watch Melo hog the ball for 20 seconds of the shot clock? Nets are the premier New York team.
Jonathan Martin…obviously Incognito is an asshole, but you left because you suck not because you were bullied. Also, grown men shouldn’t be able to get bullied.
Any player from Alabama besides Julio Jones. They are all either busts or league average at best. Way to use them all up before they hit the bigs, Nicky Satan. Andre Smith, Rolando McClain, Mark Ingram, Trent Richardson, Marcell Dareus, James Carpenter, Dre Kirkpatrick & Courtney Upshaw all underperforming or meh as pros. Mark Barron & Donta Hightower are ok. Fuck the tide.
Zach Mettenberger’s pro prospects
Fantasy Players I’m hating on:
MVP OF THE WEEK: Very happy to give this to my boy Brandon Marshall, whose 25 points led Brooke to an upset over future hubby James. How you like them apples James? The loss dropped James to the 5 seed in the playoff race, and he probly had to let her fart on his cereal since she won. Weird couple.
LVP OF THE WEEK: ZMart. Just an all time epic fail , I think we can retire the low score update with that pathetic 28 you put up. 28 is the number of times Jean Claude Van Damme has shit on a girls chest after she said no, not a “grown man’s” fantasy score. I put quotes around grown man because I’m not even sure about you anymore.
BRANDON BURNS MEMORIAL “THATS INTERESTING” AWARD: Darren McFadden can finally retire from this award. But seriously have you seen Trent Richardson’s season stats? ONE WEEK with more than double digit points, 2 touchdowns, 3.0 yards a carry. He went for 5 carries & 2 yards last week against the Rams. And now he’s in Indianapolis supposed run-first offense..He is already more worthless than Run DMC ever was and probably the bust of the year. At least he’s hittin the skins 3 at a time doe!
LAST WEEK: 5-1
OHHH YEAAAH MARK MADSEN DANCE
SEASON TOTAL: 33-29
CURRENT PLAYOFF SEEDS WITH 3 WEEKS LEFT
1. MONEY BADGER 9-1 BYE
2. SEADDERALL SEAHAWKS 6-4 BYE
3. SHOW ME YOUR TDS 5-5
4. TEAM EL DIRATY 7-3
5. COOPER CLUX CLAN 6-4
6. EAT MY CECIL SHORTS 5-5
MONEY BADGER V THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN
Hating on ESPN’s projections too. Julius Thomas with 5? Stafford with 13, but Megatron with 15 and Bush with 14? That dont make no damn sense. Im taking Brady, but this will be a close one.
THE SPARK OF ZMART V TWICE BORN AGAIN ATHEIST
I should just boycott picking Zmarts games from here on out. Who wouldve thought Matt Ryan would be the weak point of Kranz’s team at this point in the season? Im taking Kranz.
COOPER CLUX CLAN V EAT MY CECIL SHORTS
Barnburner of the Week! Playoff implications are heavy in this one. Will Mike Glennon be a reliable fantasy starter? Who will Taylor start at TE? Can James break out of his losing streak? Peyton Manning and the passing game has low projections, but Morneno gets 18? I dont even know ESPN. Im taking James, his roster is just too strong right now.
SEADDERALL SEAHAWKS V PIMPIN AINT BREESY
Ryan Matthews & Danny Woodcock..too many SD RBs to end my winning streak. Brees against San Francisco is a tough matchup, same with the Sheriff at KC, but my team is rounding into playoff shape and I dont think this one will be very close. Im taking me.
WHORIN N SCORIN V TEAM EL DIRTAY
Props to your 3 game win streak Sully. Shame to your 3 game losing streak Ross. The sqaud is falling apart without Aaron Rodgers, and even when he comes back I’m not sure it will be enough to get your team into the playoffs. Giovani Bernard and Riley Cooper, so hot right now. Im taking Sully.
TEAM KAUFHOLD V SHOW ME YOUR TDS
Knucks to your 3 game winning streak Brooke. Sharts to your 3 game losing streak Kauf. The Panthers D is on fire, will it hold against New England…I’m not sure. New England’s offense is hard to read this year, much like Zhans old power rankings. Zac Stacey on bye hurts, and you cant really trust Jarret Boykin or Kendall Wright. Of course, you cant trust most of Kaufs team either. However, no matter how bad Russell Hustle Man Muscle Wilson beats the Vikings, it wont be enough for Brooke to beat Kauf.
Get cha hate on in the comments.